Journey of a Poet in Making

58 poems in English and 62 in Hindi (+ 4 in pipeline)... WoW!!!

I wrote my first poem on Karm (कर्म) in Hindi in 8th standard. It was published in the school magazine. As far as I can recall my second poem was in English on John Milton written in 9th standard. After reading his poem On His Blindness, I got instinctively motivated to write about the poet. The words just flowed. 

I am not sure if I've written any poem from 1996 till 2000. Four years of lull. 

It was only in the year 2001 that I again started writing in trickles. After joining MIT, Manipal in 2002 I found a company in Pankaj. He too wrote in Hindi. Often we shared our poems with each other. Then I didn't have the confidence that I can write in English too. 

After my engineering I moved to Bangalore. Writing continued. 

It was only in 2009 that I attempted to write in English. It gave me confidence. In the month of June 2010, I wrote approximately 30 poems, 15 each in Hindi and English. Words were seamlessly flowing as if I've been motivated by some strong inner force. 

Many times I've thought that enough of poetry now. I'll not write any more. But it never happens. I could never stop. Something would trigger a chain reaction inside resulting in cascade flow of words down the hill of my imagination. I can't resist... I can't stop then. 

Unconsciously, poetry has become a company of this lone traveler. 

May the journey continue together.    

Wait

Today, I went through some of the oldest emails residing in my inbox dating 2005. All emails older than that, were deleted in conformance with the email-policy of that period.
My thoughts drifted further back in time trying to recollect the time I have been in the waiting-mode of 'this' phase of my life to end!

Yes... it all started after my 10th board exams. I got admission in a good school for +2. It is more than 16 years, i.e. half of my life, I have been waiting for that phase of my life to end. It was since then that I started living either in the dead past or the uncertain future but not in the possibility-laden present. Since then, I developed schizophrenia; I was very much present in the 'present' but away from the reality. Till this date, I have not learnt to face the reality head-on.

Instead of growing through life, I have been just going through life; waiting every moment for that moment to pass. Someone, some time back told me that there are two types of waiting- the active waiting where one does what he/she has to do and wait for the results to unfold, and then there is this passive waiting where one waits for something to happen and change the life! 

Passivity has become my full time activity! I am painfully enjoying it. 

Ideas!!!

Ideas... Ideas... and Ideas....
It's gonna kill me or I'll die ideating.... I have no idea
Ideas are all around... very profound
Yet they are illusive...deceptive!!!

Entrepreneurship, as an Idea, is growing within me
from I do not remember when; it has been there
from eternity to eternity, I suppose!
I have tried very hard to ignore it but as
Master Oogway said in the movie Kungfu Panda
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it".
Experienced turtle!!!

Idea(s) could be right under our nose... but we couldn't see it!!!

What motivates Idea-creation?

• solving some real-life problem
• bettering existing solution

Masala Dosa & Filter Coffee

Today had Masala Dosa and Filter Coffee in Ratna Sagar, a newly opened restaurant above GTB Nagar Metro Station Gate No.2. The cost is very high. Masala Dosa costs 85/- and Filter coffee 40/-! Nevertheless, I enjoyed eathing the dosa and drinking the coffee, both of which I miss very much in Delhi. 

Coaching vs School

Today has been like any other day- special. Special that I'd another day to life, to experience.

What did I do? In the morning I went to home-tutor a girl who is in 11th standard. She is a bright student dreaming of getting into IIT. She has joined a coaching institute. Added to it she has regular school classes to attend, assignments to do and lab journals to make. Hell lot of pressure.

Today, after her parents went out she asked me how she should prepare. She was advised by someone that at this point of time her main focus should be on her school and CBSE board exams. On getting good marks she can get admission in any good college in Delhi University. After that she can prepare for engineering entrance tests.

The other option, which she is currently following, is to continue her coaching classes and prepare simultaneously. Of course, it is very tough and tiring, requires great will-power to push yourself. But I feel, she can manage. She has the fire!  

My Dearest Dreams

To,
My Dearest Dreams,
It is with great sorrow I have to inform you that back then and there (in some weird dimension of time and space) I lost my way into what was shown to me as reality but turned out to be illusion. Not stopping there, this illusion morphed into ever receding mirage! Even before I could realize I had already traveled some distance chasing it. I had already squandered away some of my time.

 I have lost all moral rights to seek you in my waking 'reality'. I do not expect you to wait for me. And why should you? I have no reason. I.... eh.... 
...


But I am so human, a shameless human! Don't you know that? In spite of all that I have done, or not done, to you I wish you to be there for me. Please do not ask me any reason. I am a shameless fool. Also, a hopeful fool.


If my words can reach out to you, 
I hope, so will my feelings laden in them. 
I hope I have not lost you for ever. 
I hope you are still near. 
I hope to see you.
I hope you could see me. 
I hope I am not too late. 
I hope I have not gone too far.  


Not anticipating but still hoping!


From,
A Lost Dreamer

Future

Towards the end of April I started teaching as private tutor to 4 students, one each from 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th grade.

I left school after completing my 12th in the year 1999. All these years, after school, I was under the impression that lot of water has flown under the bridge in last 14 years, that problems faced by students now would be different for that of my time.

But in last one and half months I have realized that practically NOTHING has changed. The options might have increased, so is competition. The worst, I feel, is undue pressure on students- parental pressure, peer pressure, school pressure, coaching pressure. Added to all these is confusion of growing as teenager. I feel really, really  sad seeing them coping with all these and even more.

When it comes for their kids, parents always thinks the best, the best school, the best grades, the best college, the best job..... In the process they tend to become little insensitive.
How much is too much...  is the question I have!

Houseful-2

Sheer time waste.
Wished I would have seen Vicky Donor 

Faith n Confidence

Well... What do we need in life to about it? Faith in God and confidence in self. 

Is there any thing more? I think rest every thing follows! 

Kahani

Saw the movie Kahani with Shubhum, my younger brother on 20th March.
Fresh story, neatly directed, and well acted by all.
Vidya Balan is the only actress with acting substance in today's Bollywood. I am looking forward to more and more of her.
I do not like to have favorite actor or actress. But it seems my fav actor has become Amir Khan and actress is Vidya Balan. It is not that I chose but it happened. :-)