Friday, February 15, 2013


Today, I went through some of the oldest emails residing in my inbox dating 2005. All emails older than that, were deleted in conformance with the email-policy of that period.
My thoughts drifted further back in time trying to recollect the time I have been in the waiting-mode of 'this' phase of my life to end!

Yes... it all started after my 10th board exams. I got admission in a good school for +2. It is more than 16 years, i.e. half of my life, I have been waiting for that phase of my life to end. It was since then that I started living either in the dead past or the uncertain future but not in the possibility-laden present. Since then, I developed schizophrenia; I was very much present in the 'present' but away from the reality. Till this date, I have not learnt to face the reality head-on.

Instead of growing through life, I have been just going through life; waiting every moment for that moment to pass. Someone, some time back told me that there are two types of waiting- the active waiting where one does what he/she has to do and wait for the results to unfold, and then there is this passive waiting where one waits for something to happen and change the life! 

Passivity has become my full time activity! I am painfully enjoying it. 

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