Where do I belong to? 

Heart Knows

I know that my heart knows what I want to know. Unfortunately, I do not know how to know what my heart knows! It is true. It is not that I am not capable of knowing but the truth is till-date I have not fully succeeded... not even partially succeeded, so to say. My mind is a cluttered junkyard. It takes hell lot of pain to de-clutter it. I start every time and fail every time. This goes on and will continue till eternity. Do I have that much time? Who knows! Do I have an option? No

Life has no option. As the saying goes "All roads lead to Roam". We have to reach where we belong sooner or later; the choice is ours.

Nevertheless, I'll continue to de-clutter the mind and hope that I am successful in this life itself.
After all, it is imperative to know what the heart knows!

Present

Does yesterday ever matter?
It does and it doesn't.
Yesterday is a log book of our mistakes, errors, falls, frustrations, failures, deviations, distractions... Most of these are our own creations, after all, somebody said "To err is human". In these respect yes, yesterday matters. Yesterday gives a perspective to realign our lives. Yesterday gives a reason to connect with the Self... In a way yesterday forces us to think what went wrong and where to look for the answers. What we want in life may not be what we need actually! (It is really difficult to accept this.) Yesterday, practically, helps us to understand this, provided we are open-minded enough to grasp.

Once the lessons are learnt yesterday remains nothing more than a fading memory... a story...

But people who spend their present in the dungeons of yesterday are the people who do not love this beautiful life given by the Almighty to live in present.
Therefore, stay in present and thus, make life a present. 
 

I Will Change

Suddenly a ton of load has descended from nowhere. I am feeling little helpless (but, somehow,  not hopeless). The load is manifestation of fear of tomorrow.
Sometimes I do think (contrary to what my college ex-roommate thinks about me) about the way I have conducted my life. At times it looks totally unplanned, aimless go. But if I look back I see myself moving, though not at full throttle yet moving. I cannot say whether the pace is convincing or not. Hmmm.... It is not. Because somewhere inside me I know I am not giving myself to whatever I am at.

I want to change, I have to change... I will change

Black Buffaloes

Sometimes it becomes very difficult to understand who is more incompetent; the teacher or the student (here I). Never before in my academic career I have felt so helpless with my studies as I am feeling now. My specialization is in Control Systems but things seems to be out of control for me.

Syllabus is there... teachers are there... books are there... Unfortunately, there is no coherency among the three. I do not understand what teachers teach... When I refer to books I do not understand what books say! Never before words looked like black buffaloes... Worst of all the reference books are not available and those that are available are with the teachers. It is already assumed that the students are not worthy of using the librtary optimally.
 

Nothing Matters

Sometimes nothing matters in life... absolutely nothing... it feels you should be just with yourself... all the commitments, all the relations, all the networks everything looks ephemeral...